...where has time gone?!

Sorry for the MAJOR delay in details. Life kinda got in the way, i.e. work, feeling pretty worn out, WORK. haha. Life is sooo glamorous here at home these days!

So, I suppose the summary to the previous post goes as follows (I am grimacing thinking back about it, but *sigh* what's done is done.

So after going back and forth on facebook, and then a casual phone convo, we agreed that Sunday was a night that we both could do something. Incedentally, this was my sister's graduation party, and in the back of my mind I sort of already knew it wouldn't happen. Thanks to my super dead/missing phone, I evaded Sunday's rendesvous all together.

After making contact once again (I couldn't straight up ignore the fbook message AND text asking what happened to me), we rescheduled (me more begrudgingly this time) for Tuesday. As the day neared, Dan sent a few texts telling me how he was looking forward to it, confirming with me time and place (a nice Japanese restaurant in town), and re-confirming... But at work all day Tuesday, I couldn't help but feel awful inside. I knew his intentions were wayyy more casual than mine. After venting to a male co-worker, I realized that I wasn't doing him any favors and I had to bring up the fact that I was indeed seeing someone. But I left work more than regretting that I had made the plan to begin with.

So, the next part is a big blur, but here goes:

I call my mom telling her my dinner plans. Needless to say, she was really surprised I was going through with it. She said "Kate, why would you put him through that if you already know his intentions? And don't you already HAVE a boyfriend? Don't you think it's a little unfair...." blah blah blah... The thing is, she was right. I had totally lead him on, believing that I was really interested, and that dinner could lead to something more (I learned later this was his thought)

And here it is. I had to call and cancel. Yes, it was one hour before I was supposed to meet him (oh, I had already discouraged him from picking me up from my house), and yes, it was LAST minute. But, I had to cancel. Why torture the poor guy even more? Plus, I really was not interested "like that". While I am comfortable casually, I should have put up more barriers and made different plans that weren't so date-like. Basically, I screwed up. And I had to put it to a stop.

The conversation... was awful. I at first apologized for it being so last minute, but that "I'm so sorry but I have to cancel dinner tonight." I explained that I was in a long-distance relationship and I just didn't feel right going through with dinner, and that I had the impression that he saw this more as a date, and at that, I didn't feel right. But mostly, I blabbered on and on, even fake cried a little for effect, just hoping that he'd say "Okay" and hang up.

Wellll.... I would have been okay with any response than what he gave. He started by saying that it was terrible what I was doing to him, that he didn't understand how I could be in a satisfying relationship long-distance.